My birthday was last month, and I've been looking back at my life and assessing what I've learned over the past 47 years...

--I've learned that a person's ability to show integrity, respect, and friendship is not related to his level of education, wealth, or social standing. That flies in the face of everything I was taught growing up, and I am ashamed of my preconceived notions and prejudices toward the poor, less educated, and mentally challenged. I have been humbled by such wonderful folks I have been blessed to know as I worked in ESL and the public schools. They are open, honest and have no agendas but friendship, sharing the smallest piece of whatever they have. They have taught me more that I have ever taught them.

--I've learned that I should get to know a person before passing judgement on their character. Relying on someone else's opinion to shape mine is dangerous, foolish, and too often, a wasted opportunity to get to know a really amazing person. I regret passing over certain people in my life because I listened to another's low opinion of them.

--After 23.5 years of marriage, I've learned that being in a lasting marriage has little to do with "finding the right person" or "being happy". It's about commitment and endurance; not quitting when it gets hard or ugly. It's about forgiveness and being mature enough to realize that I am not the center of the universe, nor do I always have to be right or have the last word. That's still hard for me, but I'm trying.

--I've learned that my job as a parent is to work myself out of a job. I have 18 years with each child to instill values in them and to parent them. Then my time is up. There are no "do-overs". When my kids enter adulthood and make a poor choice, it is their responsibility. It is not my fault; I cannot take the blame; neither should I interfere. Similarly, when they make a good choice, that, too, is their responsibility. I cannot take the credit. I cannot live vicariously through my children. Neither should I wallow in "what could have been". When the apron strings are cut, my kids then become my friends...my peers, and I ought to treat them accordingly.

--I've learned that anyone, including old friends, trusted clergy, and close relatives can turn on me (despite promises and protestations to the contrary) when they believe their power base is threatened. A relative once told me that "No one cares, not really, except family. And they only care because they have to." But the harsh reality of a sin-filled world is: when push comes to shove, even a family member will betray my trust if they think they can justify it. I know that I, too, am capable of such behavior, and every morning I wake up praying not to be that kind of person.

What will this next year hold for me? I haven't the foggiest...nor do I want to know. I just pray that amid what comes I continue to learn and grow as a person, becoming a woman who listens a little better, says a little less, keeps confidences better, and respects others more.

Micah 6:8 He has shown you, o Man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?